Mrs. Linklater Kicks Butt In A New Place

Mrs. Linklater has been kicking butt wherever she finds it. Now she's here.

She is going to devote this blog to taking on advice columnists. For years she wondered what her life's work would be. Making fudge in a beachtown? Not a chance. Removing shoelaces from old Nike waffle trainers? It didn't happen. Working in a bikini wax factory? Unlikely.

Until one day a girlfriend called her for advice about something her child did. Her friend had already asked everyone else what to do. She was beside herself, convinced she had raised a criminal for a son. Needless to say, the actual transgression is lost to history, but Mrs. Linklater was inspired to suggest a trip to Dairy Queen for a chocolate sundae as "punishment."

She thinks that the trouble with most families is not enough chocolate sundae time with your kids. A little whipped cream. A cherry or two. Imagine the look on a juvenile delinquent's face when you don't ground them for life, you take them for a chocolate sundae.

Use your time together to review Class X felonies and their prison terms, if you feel the need. Or ask them about their friends, their schoolwork, what they're interested in, what they look for in a good parent, stuff like that. Your angry, snarling, grunting, misbehaving child may be stunned into having a conversation with you. The kind where he talks, then you talk, then he talks, you talk, remember?

Instead of those one-sided monologues you're used to.

Mrs. Linklater's friend was ecstatic. She loved chocolate sundaes.

Immediately, Mrs. Linklater realized she was on to something. This early success led her to read Dear Abby and the rest of that fraternity of females over forty to see if she agreed with their advice. After reading several disappointing columns, she decided what the world really needed was a second opinion. Hers.

And she couldn't wait to provide it. So she will be offering her take on the advice those garrulous girls in the newspapers dish out. When she can tear herself away from the fridge.