Friday, December 23, 2005

Ask Mrs. Linklater "DEATH IS AN OPTION" Edition

Mrs. Linklater is no stranger to performing good deeds -- some of which are considered acts of mercy and cannot be included here. The deeds she performs here are to protect the unwary public from advice columnists by offering her candid responses to their often misguided advice. How convenient that she offers her selfless second opinion at the self titled Ask Mrs. Linklater, so that all ye who are heavy laden, or just big boned, can find solace from her skillful dissection of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Dear Abby: Please explain the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." I have heard it many times, but can't imagine where it comes from.
-- Curious in Georgia

Dear Curious: It is usually uttered when someone has tried to do something for someone else, and instead of being grateful for it, the recipient finds fault or resents it.

Mrs. Linklater snorts milk through her nose remembering all the news items describing good deeds that turned into misdemeanors or much worse. Finding fault, resentment, or even a complete lack of gratefulness hardly begins to describe the consequences that can screw up the lives of those whose sense of doing goodness overwhelms their good sense.

NOTE TO ABBY: This isn't about surprising a friend by generously painting their kitchen while they're on vacation and having them get all huffy because you chose lavendar.

This is more like the kind soul who pulls over to aid a helpless old lady who has to change her flat tire on the highway. Unfortunately said kind soul soon finds himself dead when he's killed by a careless passing motorist while tightening the lugnuts. Good deed -- PUNISHED.

There are entire professions devoted to living by the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished mantra. Obviously that would include firefighters, police officers, members of our armed forces -- you can probably see a pattern here. GAZILLIONS of Good Deeds -- ALL PUNISHED.

Your mother is another fine example of the Good Deeds Guarantee Plenty of Punishment rule. While most, but by no means all, of a mother's good deeds do not end in death, destruction of her property, ruination of her financial security, and undermining of her health no doubt happened on your watch at some point.

If dismay and disappointment were the only effects of good deeds, there would be more good Samaritans living among us. Now good deeds require plenty of cash and a comprehensive retirement plan.

Mrs. Linklater feels safe performing her acts of goodness without regard for her life only because there is an internet separating your sorry ass from hers and she can delete any comments she doesn't like.

Na na na na na.


Remo said...

Exhibit A for the Defense:

An officer responds to a medical call for a choking infant, responding within a minute to stabilize the child four minutes until the Fire Department arrives. The officer is later served with a Notice of Performance Inquiry after a citizen complained that the officer was speeding.

True story.

dreaminglily said...

hehe yeah I do love the option of "delete".... it's quite freeing lol


V said...

Hi, Mrs. L
Happy New Year!

Celeste said...

Hehe... Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Be wait, don't...I LOVE your snappy inuendos. Thanks for the smiles Mrs. L. ;) C.

Paul said...

My good deed lies in my repeated attempts to comment in your other journal. The punishment is that, even though I am still an AOL member, I cannot sign in to do so. So how can I share my thought about English cuisine? The high point is indeed the breakfast. After that, you find out why they conquered all those countries and stole their cooks. Or, as Kipling might have said, "Put one o' the wogs on the Aga."

Paul said...

"Your comment has been saved and will be visible after blog owner approval." Oh, freakin' spare me.

Judith HeartSong said...

I adore you:):):)

V said...


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