Needless to say, the more things change, the more things stay the same. Usually it's the answers that drive Mrs. L to run screaming from the room. This time it was the world's stupidest QUESTION that caused Mrs. Linklater to spew milk through her nose and accidentally fart when she burped afterward. Not pretty.
To make matters worse, Abba Dabba's reply was almost as lame as the questions. So sit back, relax, and watch Ms. Cranky Pants work her magic at no cost to you.
DEAR ABBY: For most of my life I have parted my hair on the right. I am now being told that men should part their hair on the left. Is there are correct side for men?
HARRY W., MORRO BAY, CALIF.
DEAR HARRY: I relayed your question to my hair design consultant, Bob Cox. According to Bob, people naturally have a cowlick [or "whorl"] on one side of their scalp from which the hair growth pattern emerges. [Some people have two, although one is usually stronger than the other.] This is what determines which way the hair will naturally fall when it is parted.
Bob went on to relate the story of a client who had recently been referred to him. The gentleman had been going to his former barber for 15 years, and for 15 years his h air had never been easy to manage. Over the last couple of years, the problem had become so bad that his wife had to help him part his hair in the morning.
Bob took one look and realized the former barber had been parting the man's hair on the wrong side, which had been causing it to stick up. The problem was resolved with one appointment.
Abby
Mrs. Linklater pulls the lever on her polyester plaid LA Z BOY and launches herself into the upright and locked position. That's so she can take a deep breath of air before she shouts:
You've got to be sheeting me!!!
Someone has actually asked an advice maven what side of his hair he should part it on? What's next? Which finger should he use to find boogers? Which hand should hold the tissue that wipes his butt? Which armpit should he check for B.O.?
No doubt, in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, Abby can't just ignore Harry, who was dumb enough to sign his name and the town where he lives. She calls in a hair design consultant named Bob. Bob, in case you were wondering, is not a person who styles hair for a living. That would be a hair stylist. Bob is the person who stands behind the hair stylists and advises them where to put a part. Imagine, a person who gets to spend his entire professional career giving advice about which side of your head is the best side for splitting hairs.
Excuse me, is the Apocalypse here or is this just a rehearsal?
Whatever happened to parting your hair on the left if you're lefthanded? And parting your hair on the right if you're righthanded? Or, if you've got a cowlick, you can just comb your hair straight back and it will make its own part for you.
Sheesh, next time could you people wait until Mrs. Linklater is done napping before you insist on annoying her with this stuff
5 comments:
Yes, Virginia, there are "Hair Nazi's" ... just witness this column! Still, I can't help suggesting our dear pundit don her big glasses and review her suggestion. Is it really true that "handedness" determines the side parted on or is it a corollary effect, resulting in the righties parting on the left and the sinister population splitting hairs on the right side of their noggins? Or is it just a matter of letting sleeping cowlicks lie (flat)? Is it a sexually determined issue - women on the same side of handedness and men on the contrary?
Better still to aim and fire on the dingbat that asked this question after fifty years -- Jeez, buddy, get a grip! Who gives a flying fig? Have you watched too many hours of that gay imprimatur, Carson Daly and finally have tricked onto his contrary part? Then again, what would Carson know, what with inserting his beans and franks into poop chutes and all?
By the by, happy 39th, dear Mrs. L.
Dear Mrs. Linklater,
Here is the contact you requested, you can now view my blogspot. I must say that i did not have time as of yet to read all of your blogs and so disregard that this comment is appearing in this position.
Thank-You!
My myspace is at www.myspace.com/earthquakealert
Love, Moviestar
Well first I would ask when was this question asked? If it was long time ago..ah those were the days when that is all the was a concern...when my dad was young perhaps. And it was a big deal then but I'll say personally there are some guys who have no clue about their hair & I agree they should get someone professional to show them. Actually, I think Carson Daly does know a lot & thank him so much for how he helps men. The man does not get paid enough & would not be out of a job considering all the men out their that need his help. Yes, equally there are some women no doubt. And I don't care where he puts his beans & franks, they are his to do with what he wishes. No one better tell me when, where & how to have sex!
Next, at least we have a man willing to make some changes...anyone willing to. That does mean a great deal that a person is willing to improve themselves. If they are willing to make small changes in their life they will be more willing to do other changes which may save our planet & improve our lives on it.
blogwalking here! happy new year! :-)
http://gjramos.blogspot.com
icedgurl
LOL...I enjoyed that post. Happy new year!
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