Ask Mrs. Linklater "WHEN PIGS FLY" Edition

Margo Howard [Ann Landers' often married daughter] has just started spouting her opinion at Yahoo and Mrs. Linklater couldn't wait to get over there to see what advice column travesties were taking place. It wasn't easy. Mrs. L risked life and limb dodging Yahoo's webcam porn sites and hundreds of penis prosthesis spammers as she made her way to Margo's. Sheesh. Does anybody have a moist towelette?

Dear Margo: How do you handle a person who constantly disagrees with whatever you say? My mother seems to correct, disagree or play the expert with whomever she's talking. . . in almost every conversation. For example, if I made a comment like "the sky is really blue today," she would reply, "Well, I think it's more violet."

She has done this as long as I can remember, but I never noticed it until she did it to my husband. . . It is so bothersome that we've reduced our visits. I have never confronted her about this habit, as she doesn't take well to criticism. Should I just stand by and ignore it? Should I say something. . .? -- Battered

Dear Bat: If you're old enough to have a husband, my dear, it is safe to say that your mother is too old to undo this habit. . . Accept it and ignore it.
. . .[T]he proper response is silence. There is nothing you could say that would help the situation.
. . . [I[t's kind of sad that she feels the need to always be right.

Since Mrs. Linklater is a self proclaimed know it all whose idea of a good time is to contradict everything you say -- she just had to check to see if this letter was written by a member of her own family first.

Phewf.

Mrs. Linklater can't imagine being SILENT when this NO-It-All Mom cranks it up. That's right, the correct term is NO It All, because that's what Mom is saying to everyone -- "No, you're wrong, I have ALL the top secret information you don't have."

Actually, Mrs. Linklater knows what's really going on here.

We have a NO-It-All daughter who is just like her NO-It-All mom. And the daughter really hates it when Mom contradicts her. Not that SHE would ever think of contradicting her mother. Haaaaa.

For fun, Mrs. L would throw out the bait to the Motherlode with harmless little conversational statements like, "I think it's kind of warm in here." "Don't cookies taste great with milk?" "Doesn't George Bush look like Alfred E. Newman?"

BUT before Mom can say NO you're wrong, Mrs. L would make a pre-emptive strike and say to Mom after every statement, "But let's ask the expert first -- Mom?" Watch Mommie Dearest start to back off. After awhile, she'll start saying things like, "But I'm not really an expert. . . ."

Or, you can take the kinder gentler route and just agree with Mama -- but in a VERY BIG WAY. Those times when you say the sky looks really blue and Mom says NO she thinks it's more violet -- let her be right. "OMG!! Mom, you're absolutely right. The sky IS violet -- Hey, everybody, Mom's right, the sky isn't blue -- what were we thinking -- it's violet!!!"

Okay okay, Mrs. L is getting carried away. The simplest thing to do is for everyone, especially her daughter, to just agree with her. Is that so hard? Don't give her the silent treatment. That's mean.

Say, "Mom, I never noticed, but, I think you've got a point, I can see how you would think the sky looks violet today."

Then watch a contradictory Mom's contrary ways start to melt like a popsicle on a hot sidewalk. A little validation goes a long way.

Come on. Would it kill you?

Does Mrs. Linklater hear the sounds of pigs flying?