Ask Mrs. Linklater "DIRTY SOCKS" Edition

Mrs. L wants to know where does it say that being married means picking up someone else's dirty socks and underwear? For some reason Amy dear thinks this guy with dropsy should be cut some slack. Mrs. Linklater assumes the Obi Wan Kenobi position for her answer. Oh, wait, that's Star Wars, not Star Trek.


Amy Dickinson
Published January 17, 2006 Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I have been married for 10 years and have three young children.

I am not one to complain to others about my husband. However, I often hear many of the same complaints (that I internalize) from everyone: He never picks up after himself, he leaves dirty socks on the floor, he lets the kids run crazy and has no idea of what the house rules are.

All he does on weekends is sit and watch football.

How can so many women have the same complaints?

Why do so many men think there is a magic fairy who is going to pick up after them?

. . .I love my husband, but his behavior drives me nuts!

Any advice?

-- Frustrated Spouse

Dear Frustrated:
. . .Many women have men-grievances, just as many men have female trouble, if you know what I mean.

Some of what you're wrestling with might be dealt with by changing your perspective about what your husband does and doesn't do. Does he make a good living, maintain your vehicles and take care of the exterior of the house? Does he do yardwork, install your storm windows, put money away for the kids' education? Does he get frustrated that you don't value what he does do at home? Does he think that you magnify his flaws?

. . .One way to kick-start your thinking about your husband and his role in your family would be to read about the actual and perceived differences between men and women. You could start with a "classic" in the genre, such as "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships," by John Gray (2003, HarperCollins).

Mrs. Linklater beams herself up for this one. She's wearing some of Seven of Nine's hand me downs. They slide through the universe better.

Amy Amy Amy, guys don't leave their dirty socks where they dropped them because they think they're not being appreciated. That's a girl trick. Guys leave their underwear where it lies because they CAN.

What makes you think he might be making big dough, taking care of the cars, and doing stuff around the house anyway? Wishful thinking? His wife already said he's watching football on TV all the time, so it's a good bet he's not doing much except lying around with his hand down the front of his shorts staring at the tube.

Meanwhile, wifey poo hates picking up after him, but she keeps doing it. Just like his mother did.

Aha, that's the real problem. The wife whines and keeps on cleaning up after TV boy. Hubby lets her whine. And keeps dropping them socks and drawers in the same puddle. His jeans, t-shirts, and shoes, too.

Mrs. L says, "Let the socks lie there." Let them all grow mold. Let the cat have kittens on them. If the dirty clothes are not in the hamper, they don't get washed. If you can't stand to look at them, sweep them into a pile on the floor of the closet. Or behind a door.

If you don't want to be treated like someone's maid, don't act like one.

Before his wife starts on her rehabilitation program, she should be a sport and tell him she's not washing anything that isn't in the dirty clothes. Then she has to stick to her guns. A couple of mornings looking through the pile of moldy oldies for something without skidmarks and he ought to get the hint.

Oh, and the entire pile of stuff gets thrown out after a month. Along with that silly Mars and Venus book.