Ask Mrs. Linklater "EYEBALL" Edition

From time to time Mrs. Linklater barely has to raise her head off the pillow to solve advice dilemmas. Her insightful second opinions are like those tasty chocolate sprinkle thingys on frosting. But first, let Prudarama blather on and on with her own feeble attempts. *YAWN*

Dear Prudence,
My brother is engaged to a delightful, bright, attractive woman who does not wear a bra. She has very small breasts, so it's not as if she is falling out of her shirts, but she is always "nippling" (as they say). I don't believe she is trying to be provocative, but after she and my brother leave large social gatherings, there is often talk of the prominent nipple outline she displayed. This upsets me because a) I truly like her, and don't want people to remember her for her chest area, and b) it can be very distracting when one is talking to her; it makes men uncomfortable to see, and it makes our wives even more uncomfortable for their men to see. In general, I don't feel it's anyone's place to criticize another person's attire, but I wonder if there is a tactful way to send a message that we'd appreciate seeing a bit less of her.

—Getting an Eyeful

Dear Get,
Prudie was surprised by two things in your letter: the new word she learned, and that the letter writer was a man! There really is talk that people have trouble averting their gaze from this woman's shirt? In this day and age of letting it all hang out, fashionwise, it is a little unusual to find that a small-busted woman going braless is a distraction. In any case, if you feel you must try to get this woman into a bra, your best bet would be to tell your brother that he might want to suggest underthings to his fiancee because, as things are now, she makes it difficult for people to maintain eye contact. Be prepared for him to tell you to mind your own business.

—Prudie, figuratively

Okay, Mr. Eyeball full of more than you wanted to look at, [Like we're supposed to believe THAT.] Mrs. Linklater suggests that when confronted by unwanted "nippling" that you simply take off your jacket or sweater, wrap it around the young woman and say, "I can see that you're cold." Or, you could just start out your conversation with "Nice tits. So, how bout them Cubs?" Or you could talk about all the tasty "nibbles" at the party. How much you like to "nibble" before dinner. And how you were thinking about naming a new cracker product, "NIBBLES." Then in the middle of everything accidentally say "Nipple" instead of "Nibble."

Why does Mrs. L think her suggestions won't be well received?